It’s been one hell-of-a-week for Big Daddy and I.

First I was forced to accept that I’m another year older. An ever so slightly aging woman without children of her own. Yeah, it’s a hang up of mine. Especially in January. And especially in February. We miscarried just in time for Valentine’s Day. These weeks, both past and present, continue to be a source of regrets, sadness, and some gentle sobbing.

I think we all have weeks, months, years even that scar us to our core. We can’t or won’t shake it off despite the urging of a certain sweet blonde songbird. We relive the details in our own way and make strangers pay for our misfortune. Insert road rage, crabby pants, and general malaise like attitude in public.

That’s life. A sweet wretched kind of life.

The thing that I had grown to love in a way that I’d never been able to with da’ humans was Baby Sofia. We spent 13 years of daily routines, talking and purring, me and her respectively. We survived a terribly unhappy man who wanted everyone including Baby Sofia and I to feel his suffering. We battled depression. And when I say we I do mean me but she put up with the ups and downs. We moved into a trailer park so we could stay together. She and I separated briefly while I got the crap beat out of me on a daily basis for 6 months in Boot Camp. When we reunited we where stronger than ever.

She was a crazy sweet healer. She was snotty and aloof, and snuggly and needy. She was everything that I needed her to be.

She was my best little buddy. A sweet little kitty that kept me from falling off a cliff. She was uber important to me. She was my heart.

I won’t get nitty gritty on our final days. I just can’t.

I’ll tell you that the last day was so traumatic for me and painful for my little one but in her final moments on earth coming to an inevitable close, she mustered all the energy she had to say goodbye to Big Daddy and I in the only way she could. A small gesture, a gentle gesture. She loved us both just as much as we loved her.

When it’s over and you come home to a home that’s just alittle less home-like I gave myself permission to do 5 things.

1. Cry. Cry like your baby wasn’t just an animal. It’s ok to feel the loss on the same scale of losing a human being. Sob. Make all the wailing noises you want. Whoever said “get over it” is an idiot. Tell them I said so.

2. Don’t Apologize. Don’t discount your grief or your love for your pet just because he or she wasn’t human. Don’t apologize for being sad, or for crying over “just a pet”.

3. Do Nothing. I have dead flowers rotting in vases and dust bunnies on the floor. It’s ok to leave all the “life as usual” stuff for another time. Do nothing without regret.

4. Ask for Understanding. I canceled one of my mentoring sessions. I just couldn’t be there for someone else when I was feeling so fragile. Losing something you love deserves someone’s understanding so don’t be afraid to ask for it.

5. Remember, Remember, Remember. It’s hard to think of anything other than the last terrible day but you have to. My baby girl was so much more than just one day. She lived for 13 years. There are many great things to remember about her. When I miss her I look at her picture.

IMG_8408Towards the end she had lost so much weight that Big Daddy and I put a heating pad on the counter to make her more comfortable. Mission accomplished.



This is Baby Sofia’s way of showing her support of Big Daddy. “It’s ok Daddy, you’ll figure it out”. She was so sweet on him.


We are proud to be Americans.


My buddy was always nearby. Here she is reviewing my work. I’m pretty sure she made me do it over.

Of course I still think I hear her in the kitchen. I miss her little paw tapping, tapping on my back when she was ready to snuggle. I miss my greeter, my work companion, my baby girl.

I guess I just need the world to know that she was a great kitty and I’ll probably be sad for awhile. Hope that’s ok with you.



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8 Responses

  1. karen@somewhatquirkydesign

    Be sad for as long as you like. Bless her heart she really did get skinny. You think knowing it is coming will help. But it does not. Nothing really helps. So sorry.

  2. Anne Kerr

    When we had to say goodbye to our dog, Woofie, I cried and cried. One day early on, when I was praying, I sensed God asking me if I could trust Him with Woofie. The answer was obvious, and seemed to relieve the pain a little. Hope this may help you in some way. So sorry.

  3. Lacy Province

    The last day is never easy – and it shouldn’t be easy either.
    We had to let our sweet Gus go this past October. He was 14 yrs old (we think). He was our rescue in more ways than one. We had the pleasure of his sweet, loving self for 12 years. The tears still fall when we think of him and all that he was. But yet we soldier on knowing we will be together again.

  4. Emily, Our house now a home

    I am so sorry for your loss. I never had a pet growing up, but we have a wonderfully perfect 3 year old dog, Teddy. He is wonderful, sweet, and my shadow. I can understand the pain you must be feeling, I will never be ready to let Teddy go. I am so sorry you are going through it. And sorry she had to go through so much pain. She seems like she had a wonderful life and I hope that comforts you.

  5. Pam Jackson

    So sorry about your fur babe. Mine is a rat terrier and they will probably have to put me in the ground when he is gone, he is side kick, my bud and my best friend. He has stuck with me on good days and bad. I had a girl mut years ago that I had to put down at 15 yrs….it was the hardest thing I ever did. I feel your pain.

  6. Cf

    I can only imagine the grief you’re feeling with all that has happened.

    Your cat pics are wonderful. I lost my little feisty grey kitty two years ago. She was twenty but so sick that last couple of days. She’ll probably always be my favorite. Don’t tell the others 🙂

    I’ll say a prayer for you.

  7. Jaclyn B

    I’m so very sorry to hear about your loss of sweet Sophia! Such a loss at such a hard time. My thoughts are with you that you will see the sunshine soon!


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